Based on informal outcome surveys within Pacia Life and comparing that information with other professionals within the young adult industry, Pacia Life has learned to be cautious of any young adult who’s parents say they don’t need parent empowerment coaching.
Statistically speaking, since 2013, parents who think they don’t need parent empowerment coaching will likely prevent their adult child from progressing into adulthood.
In fact, surveys actually show that a parent who doesn't believe that their young adult child can learn to solve their own problems and continues a pattern of enablement have an 8% chance of success.
THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTOR OF SUCCESS IS THE SELF-EFFICACY GRIT, AND RESILIENCE OF EACH STUDENT. THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTOR OF FAILURE IS THE ENABLING PARENT.
We have also learned over time that our students will rise to the level of realistic expectations placed upon them as long as the parental safety net is one of empowerment and believing in their adult child instead of trying to rescue and protect their child.
Outcome surveys show the number one predictor of failure is parents who try to stay overly involved in the details and who provide a financial safety net.
Serval students have shared that they feel that their parents actually want them to remain dependent upon them so they can full fill their own needs to be needed. Several parents have shared that they feel that their young adult child can't survive without them.
Parents must understand that what used to be the right thing (i.e., protect our children), is now the wrong thing. As young adults, we must teach them to problem solve. How to find their own voice. To pay their own bills. To live a healthy lifestyle. To spread their wings and fly.
“Helicopter parenting” (which is just one of many terms used) with emerging young adults shows even greater harm to the self-efficacy of an adult child than it does in the teenage years. In fact, those with low self-efficacy will never develop the grit and residency needed in an adult world.
Separate from helicopter parenting, parents who continue to send a message to their adult child that they can just come home or that they will give them unnecessary fiscal support or the option of moving back home send their adult child a strong message that they don’t even believe in their own child.
Life Coach, Randy Oakley shares, "It is not what we do for our children, but what we teach them first to do for themselves and secondly, what they can do for their family, friends, loved ones, and community that will lead them to higher self-efficacy, grit, resilience, self-confidence, and inner peace."
In most cases, the solutions to this situation are simple and logical. However, if parents can’t make some simple adjustments in their parenting style. Parents of young adults must learn how to be quick to empower and slow to rescue.
(this post was first posted May 28, 2017) and was updated on July 19, 2020)