Blaming others and staying focused – by Randy Oakley  Randy Oakley

Well known author and self-help guru Byron Katie teaches to stay stress-free, we need to stay in our own business.

Byron Katie teaches that there are only three types of businesses in this universe:

  • Other people’s business
  • God’s business (things that happen through Mother Nature, death, etc.)
  • My own business.

At Pacia Life, we often witness that when we use “other people’s business or God’s business” to distract ourselves from our own personal work and goals that a series of negative consequences take place like.

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Even more so, we see a defining trend that many of our students, when they first arrive, are so habitually focused on blaming other people for their troubles and focused on being in other people’s business that it has become their daily norm.

As Billy Cox states, “Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.”  

Blaming others is often habitual and thus, becomes a comfort zone in our lives. In fact, we know that any student who stays stuck in blaming others and being in others business will simply stay stuck in life.

Some of these negative consequences include:

  • Most progress on personal goals stops
  • People feel additional stress and mentally tired due to doing other people’s business
  • They become unaware of how many hours, days, weeks of lost time is consumed in non-productive behavior
  • Personal energy is low and negativeThe person isolates themselves
  • They spend a lot of time talking to other people trying to convince them (collecting votes) for why they think they are right.  Most of the time this includes calling their parents, who in turn secretly call the Pacia Life Team to discuss why their child is struggling.

Some examples of being in “other people’s business” include:

  • Did you hear about what “so and so” did?
  • Spending too much time on social media
  • Texting others to a point where your things that need to be done don’t get done
  • Gossiping, gossiping, gossiping
  • I don’t like/trust Sally
  • You need to get a job and earn some money
  • I want you to be happy
  • This place isn’t helping me at all
  • My roommate did….
  • You should not stay out so late
  • You need to take better care of that student over in the other house
  • You should read this on the internet about…
  • Nobody listen’s to me
  • Billy didn’t give me a hug today
  • My boyfriend should love me more
  • My life coaches don’t care for me the way I think they should
  • My boss should appreciate me
  • My mother should not have ‘sent me away’
  • My roommate should speak nicer to me

You will see that in all the above examples, the person thinking these thoughts is linking his/her well-being to something someone else should do and should not do, which obviously is not in her control. It is thus the other person’s business to do or not do what they need to do, not ours.

Example thoughts of being in “God’s business.”

  • I’m worried about driving in the snow next week
  • I’m worried about the possible earthquake happening in Nepal again
  • I read on the internet that the world will end in 2017
  • When will my grandmother die?
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The same old thinking, will lead to the same old results

Byron Katie’s states, “anything that cannot be done by us or others is God’s business”. The above examples are outside of our personal control and thus cannot be allowed to consume our thoughts, time, and energy.

The key to success – Stay focused on your goals and focus on your own business! 

Using the Tatori Method, which includes specific strategies to help us stay focused on our goals, we can avoid wasting personal energy in minding to God’s business and other people’s business.  As we focus on our own business, we reduce personal stress and stay on a path that moves us toward being our best selves, loving ourselves and producing real results in our lives that we feel good about!

Examples of staying in “My business.”

  • Loving myself through both positive self-talk and daily habits of self-care
  • Staying focused on my goals, dreams, being my very best self
  • Serving others
  • Giving my 100% each day
  • Maintaining peace in my mind
  • Doing what is right for my heart
  • Taking care of my nutrition and health
  • Taking full responsibility (without blaming anyone else for my lack of positive results)

The next time we feel like we are stuck in life and not happy, one of the first solutions is to look in the mirror and see how much time and energy we spending in the business of others. As soon as we use our mindfulness skills to become aware of what we are doing, we can laugh at ourselves, and get back to doing our own work. Why choose to be stressed and miserable by focusing on the wrong things.